first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
