I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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