A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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