Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Couch. On fire.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
