I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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