I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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