just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
