it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
