He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
