i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
