We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
