woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize