i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize