So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
