i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
