I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
