i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
