Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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