She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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