Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
