Apparently you make a good broom.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
