They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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