After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
the raccoons are back...
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