I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
