my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize