This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize