it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
