my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Semen is not good for contacts.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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