I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
