He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
