He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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