It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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