I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
