"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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