Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How naked do you want me to be?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
