hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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