What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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