I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
