just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize