I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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