if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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