That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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