she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
please come you make the beer taste better
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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