DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
