i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
