FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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