SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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