Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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