What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
