in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize