the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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