k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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