It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
