Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
