I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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