where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
