I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
