Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
