Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
