I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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