My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You dont lie about slip and slides
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
