By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
