dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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