4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
