I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Randomize
