I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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