You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Are we still banned from the library?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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