it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
