and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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