ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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