just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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