And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
