I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My hand turned me down
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
