And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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