Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
