Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
