What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they're like a gay fantastic four
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
